I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
