I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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