guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
