White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
