i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Randomize
