Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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