Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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