I CAN MOONWALK!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
