If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
