whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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