it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
