I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
