I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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