it wasn't lemon gatorade
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
