If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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