I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
