i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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