I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We got so high we made milksteak
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize