New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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