my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize