I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
