and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
