You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize