i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
