respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
