drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
