he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize