If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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