I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
