question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
