Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
