And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
