why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
