hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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