It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize