i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
