the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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