Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
