smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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