The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
