So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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