Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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