Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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