My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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