Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
