Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
