so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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