I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
