Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize