She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
