I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
