Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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