I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
