So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
