If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
