I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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