You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
