Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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