it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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