At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
