Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
