If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Two words: nipple clamps
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