Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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