You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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