I hate all girls vehemently.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
