It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
