that's an acceptable place to lick
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
