all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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