she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize