im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
then he tried to convert me to islam
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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