Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
