just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
