I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
