Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
