so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize