I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
