definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
