I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
