I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
