Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
