You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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