I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
