She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize