I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
