What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize