i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
