Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
