I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
