Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
