Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
