just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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