Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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