I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
